I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
