Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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