This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
