he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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