dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
