Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
