I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
