so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
