There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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