So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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