i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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