i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
