I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
