My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
