we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
This house was built for laser tag.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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