Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
