just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
