I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
