Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
