Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
