And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
