You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
