from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
