this beer tastes like vomit already
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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