Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize