There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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