So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
