I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
