She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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