New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
