I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
