Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
