well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
