just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize