I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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