Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
