haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
