he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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