Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
