You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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