If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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