stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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