I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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