I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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