He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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