...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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