I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
