Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize