remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
