Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
