I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
