and you said cock pushups were impossible
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
