Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
