youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
