You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
