But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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