You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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