yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize