Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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