so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
