she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize