i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
