There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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