I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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