I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
