420 ftw
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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