My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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