i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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