Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it glows. i had to have it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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