is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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