hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
