My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
