She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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