I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
