i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
