we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
