The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
