who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
