Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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