peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
