true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i came on her dog
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
