he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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