i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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