I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
