Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize