No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize