need another drink. this is the easiest way
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
All the doctor said was why
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
