mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dicks are not precious.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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