just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
