She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
