I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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