Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize