If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
