Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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