who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize