i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
