dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I am available for nakedness
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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