I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
