and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
