i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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