uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
vagina is talking i cant
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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