Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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